It has been a while since I actually posted something due to my being so incredibly busy; not because I had forgotten or lost interest in this project.
Being really busy will do a lot of things to you, a lot of bad things. This last semester I have been working 2 jobs along with taking a full course load (4 courses + 1 independent study from last semester), which has left me little time for being me. When your entire life consists of moving from one task to the next you tend to lose touch with yourself and instead become like a robot who only completes tasks. So now that I've had time to relax a little it has been like having an out-of-body experience in a way: I will do something, find it enjoyable, and think to myself, "Wow, this is really fun! Did I like doing this before? Oh yeah, I did like doing this before, I remember now!" These sorts of experiences have been cool; they remind of all the unique gifts that God has blessed me with.
Some not-so-good things have come about as a result of this also. When you're really busy and only have time to complete the work that you need to get done and then rest so that you can complete more work all the personal emotional problems that might be occurring also have a way of "going away." Although they don't really go away, they just kind of get put in the far recesses of your mind since there is no time or energy for you to actually feel anything, good or bad. So when you start getting in touch with yourself again all the problems that might have been stored away for some reason also come flooding back into consciousness.
For me, I thought that all the problems that have suddenly come back to me had been dealt with, but apparently they had not been. As I think about it some I do tend to suppress emotional issues more so than actually do something to deal with them. The whole me dealing with feelings though is another subject, for another time perhaps.
Overall this is a bitter-sweet time for me: I enjoy "rediscovering" the gifts and calling God has given me, but I wish that all the problems that have come back along with this would also no longer be issues.
Hopefully sometime this week or next week I will have something insightful and perhaps profound to post. My apologies if I have come off as angry or offended you during this time.
Hopefully, you are learning lessons now so that you can maintain a better lifestyle when you are in seminary! In both seminary and ministry, there is always more to do. So you have to prioritize and balance and grow more efficient and grow more dependent on God.
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